Relationships this year will see the beginning of more authentic ways of being.
People are beginning to turn away from what was a long series of dysfunctional experiences – from fakeness and self-importance, from swiping left or right based on a photo, and from a person’s worth being defined by their social media presence. Real relationships need to go much deeper, and this begins by honouring the lessons learned from all the failures of the past relationships.
Don’t repeat the same mistakes this year. Learn from what hasn’t worked and try something more genuine.
Relationships and their expectations have been evolving and breaking down over the last 3 years. This year marks new beginnings and new ways of seeing the world and seeing ourselves. We have to find equity and balance.
When I say romantic relationships, I’m certainly looking at them from a modern, collectively western world perspective, which is being compelled to become more progressive, free-thinking and tolerant. Yet even old fashioned and traditionally conservative relationships will feel the effects of the call to change.
Regardless of the type of romantic relationship that you are in or are looking for, all parties need to be responsible for your own emotions. If you expect your partner to fix your emotional issues you will be disappointed. Alternatively, if you ignore their behavioural red flags and warnings signs you will be in for trouble.
The law of attraction says we attract the people who resonate at the same level as we do, in equal and in opposite proportions. In this way, if you like to help others you may attract another who is needy. When people are resonating at a really beautiful level, where they don’t really need anything in their life except pure love, they will attract that person. If you stay single despite all attempts, it’s because you are resonating at a level that is not the same as what you say you want.
Clients often desperately ask me when they will meet their soul mate, thinking that romantic love will be the answer to all their problems. They think that by being in love they will stop being anxious or depressed in life, that they will feel more attractive, that the boss will be nicer and that it will all make them happier with themselves. The truth is though, love for another person comes from within us, not from the person we love. It comes from us projecting the love we have inside us onto another person who then mirrors it back to us, mixed with the appealing aspects of their own character. The example I usually give clients is that of a child who loves her teddy bear. The teddy bear has no love to give; it is the child who is already full of love, who projects that love onto the teddy bear, and who then feels her own love in return.
A recent female client asked these questions continuously: When will I meet my partner? When will I get married? Will he be rich? What nationality will he be? How many children will I have?
Yet when I stopped her to ask “What are the two most important things that you need in a partner?” she thought for a while and then finally said “Trust and support”.
She didn’t say handsome looks or lots of money. She actually took the time to listen to what her heart was saying, to list the things that she was willing to give and which she needed in return, the things which she knew needed as the basis of her relationship.
If you have neediness, it’s not your partner’s role to fix it. But together you can support, comfort and love each other. Honest connection includes an understanding of your own pains and woundings, and not acting them out on others. At best, there is possibility for a meeting of minds and a willingness to meet others half way. Current relationships can improve and new connections can happen if people are more light hearted, open minded, willing to share and less influenced by pretentiousness. At the least, the old BS won’t work anymore, people will more aware of love addicts and abusers and will sense if you’re just looking for someone to fix your problems or pay off your debts.
Your relationship with yourself this year includes looking at the pain of the past and understanding that it can be different in the future. This means healing the grief and the loss, and looking at the emotional dysfunction at play that caused it. In order to become wiser and move on, we need to really understand those things that must change, grow, to be let go of and to be forgiven. More heartfelt connections, more joy and a large dose of luck will make it all come together.
By releasing the old painful romantic experiences and opening your heart to new possibilities and just loving the joy of life, you will create your own experiences of love and wonderment and this attracts like minded and like hearted partners. All of the old worries about who, where and when can melt away, and you can actually feel the joy of new connections.
Ultimately this year, all your relationships can improve by you becoming more responsible for yourself, and by connecting with your value sets, and knowing what’s important. The more you know who you are, the more you can attract someone like you.