This is a story about Anne (not her real name), who has become frozen by her problems.
They have been coming at her from all different areas of life, and she has not been able to cope, adapt, or handle the changes. A new baby last year has left her constantly weary; her husband is intolerant of the crying, the mess, and that his own needs are going unnoticed.
Now back at work, she feels unproductive and overwhelmed by the workload and the constant demands for her to contribute. She is unaware that her demeanour is causing people to start to see her as ineffective.
Her strategy is simply to limp along. When asked if there are changes she could make, she makes excuses for being stuck with the problem, feeling like this is her a lot in life. The idea that she has free will and can change her life doesn’t seem to be resonating. She is not giving herself anyway out.
2023 is the year to put a limit on what you will allow to happen in your life. It is a turning point on suffering the insufferable. This year brings a stronger focus on the individual and independence – living one’s truth and asserting oneself, with a more confidence and better physical and mental health.
There’s a lot to process. If we don’t let go of the things that are keeping us bogged down we can stay overwhelmed for ages. If we do, things can change very fast. It’s really a personal judgment call – how could you feel safe enough to let go of the worry, reject the drama and embrace just joy and lightness?
People get into a situation where they are frozen in anxiety. Unlike fight or flight responses which are physical responses to fear and danger, freeze or fawn are emotional responses to stress and overwhelm .
The freeze response happens when your body doesn’t think you can escape the problem, but that you can’t solve it either. A bombardment of all sorts of external pressures can cause a freeze, which will chip away at your resistance and reduce you to just doing the minimums to get by. Fawn is where you may be overly helpful, eager to agree, and primarily concern with making someone else happy despite your own circumstances. Your survival instinct drives you to placate the people who are scaring you or treating you badly.
Often, when people feel that no physical escape is available, they will instead escape in their minds. Daydreaming and fantasy moments allow temporary respite, but also perpetuate the problems of being frozen in time. All sorts of self-medicating habits can follow – alcohol, substances, poker machines, excessive shopping and so on – anything that allows them to retreat into a warmth of imagined perspectives which are comforting and safe.
No matter what you are experiencing in life, there is always an equal and opposite alternative that you could consider. The first thing to do is face the facts. If you’re out of balance, consider what balance would mean in your life. If, for example, you’re working too many hours, what would be a more balanced and manageable amount? What would you let go of if you could? This is a year of new options and new beginnings, and as such you may discover you have more alternatives and freedoms that you realize. By making decisions that are for your highest good you can get in touch with your inner strength.
Talk to people you trust or perhaps seek professional counselling. No one has to do this by themselves, as there are a lot of ways to get help and support, and much of it is free. It’s important though to express what’s really going on. It will allow you to have a new perspective, and to see that making changes is not a just form of giving up.
Begin by considering and understanding the past in a new ways, so that you can become aware of how it has lead to your current difficulties. From there you may be able to see better ways of moving forward. Try to see your circumstances with humility and self-forgiveness and without blame, shame or ego. Life is not a school exam – there is no pass or fail.
If you are confronted by fighters, flighters, freezers or fawners, try to be patient and understanding. Be aware that there will be a lot of distress going on for them under the surface, and that they may be very defensive about their own behaviours. Encouragement and support will help in many ways.
This is a year for creating new goals for the future and new strategies to achieve them across all aspects of your life. If you don’t know what your goals are, this is the year to find them. Begin by just defining what you think is worthwhile in life. Simple and basic ways that you can affirm what is right for you. Take your time, breathe, be patient with yourself, and then you will find the right path and begin to start walking on it.
Use whatever downtime you have not to escape into fantasy but instead as time to reflect and think time about what’s next. Not to act, but to think. Use the time to reflect and start feeling your way forward. When you start sensing what you’d like to experience next for yourself, your family, or in any area of your life you can then start planning the steps forward.
Everything in life needs a planning stage, where ideas are formulated, developed and started. This is your time now.